Last night I was accosted in my bed by a homeopath brandishing pamphlets. I was quite taken aback at first; how did the homeopath get in? Why did she choose me to impart her wisdom upon? Didn't she know I wanted to sleep?
The first pamphlet was chock full of testimonials from everyday people about the incredible healing power of the placebo effect. Apparently they took no virtually no medication, focused inwardly on healing themselves, and voila they felt better. Incredible. I pointed out to her that magically healing is considered miraculous. After all it didn't go unnoticed when certain messiahs have done it. She shrugged it off suggesting that the technology of healing has evolved so much over the past two thousand years that what was once a miracle is now quite everyday.
The second pamphlet explained that in fact most mental disorders occur when the "brain functions are different energetic frequencies than the so-called normal brain." Like an everyday brain? What confused me (and the homeopath) quite a bit was the relationship between energy and frequency. I had no idea they were directly related. I understood thanks to Dr. McGee's physics symposium that for a wave (the only thing that has frequency) E=A^2, or energy equals the the amplitude squared. No mention of frequency at all! How could this be?!
I proceeded to whip out my physics text book that I keep handy in case I ever need to play sports. Apparently there is no direct relationship between energy and frequency, only an indirect one (the relationship between frequency and amplitude is mitigated by a constant defined by the substance the wave is traveling through; in this case, my brain). By this time the homeopath had moved on to other topics: the war on homeopathy (occasionally referred to in the mainstream media as the "war on terror"), the conspiracy in which doctors keep people sick so they can pocket the co-pay, and the role that fried food plays in pagan festivals.
The third and final pamphlet was a chinese restaurant menu. I ordered some orange flavored chicken.
-Robert de Saint Loup
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